Do you every get the feeling that everything is just too intense, just so crazy FULL of everything that you just can’t cope?
There are so many amazing thoughts that pass through my mind, so many ideas and images and things I want to tell the world, but then when I sit down with a pen and paper or my computer, I just can’t find away to put it all down that makes sense. People use the phrase “train of thought”, and I used to say that my train was doing loops and spirals on four dimensions. It seems that a more accurate description would be a fire work show thought; rare, but beautifully intense when it does show up. The problem, as with real fire works, is that once it ends, all I have left are some memories that never really live up to the real thing and if I’m lucky maybe a few blurry photos.
The hypochondriac in me thinks that maybe I have some sort of mental disorder, that intense periods of crazy inspiration followed by lengthily lulls during which my brain just doesn’t work at all can’t be normal. And then my more rational side calmly says that I’m probably perfectly normal, it’s all how it’s supposed to be, I’m just overreacting.
So, in the end, I have no idea what I wanted to tell you today, and I know that I should probably wait till I have an actual, coherent, message to post something, but I really need to get this off my chest. Right now I figure I’ll try pretty much anything to loosen the stopper and get the ideas out of my head where they are starting to hurt and onto paper/canvas/pixels where they will hopefully have full and productive lives. Cause right now it’s relatively late, given the relatively early hour I have to get up tomorrow, and I’m sitting here wide awake, thinking about things like how it would be really fun to do a painting or drawing that’s a mix of Picasso and Dali, and how maybe now would be the time to start, because if not now then when? And my rational side is loosing ground fast, but it’s still shouting with all it’s might that I’m sick and I have school in the morning and I’ll really regret it if I don’t get enough sleep.
I don’t really have logical, or even interesting conclusion for this, because there wasn’t a logical or interesting reason to write any of this, so I apologize, but I’m starting to think it’s important to share this sort of thing, instead of keeping it locked away inside of me.